Most often the kids won’t be able to figure out the triggers of their negative behavior. When this happens the parents can help the children realize those triggers without having to result to backtracking and blaming.
When parents do not help their kids figure out the triggers of their bad behavior, the kids usually blame their parents for feeling upset. Children are quite good at this, pulling their parents back to that particular incident and making them feel that they are responsible. So as a parent, it is very important that you gain control of the situation.
One of the most effective ways to help a child know the triggers of his bad behavior is to ask him about his previous outbursts. For example, you can ask your child, “Do you remember the last time you pulled your baby sister’s hair? It was the time she borrowed your crayons.” Or, you can try saying, “Do you remember that Friday night when I asked if you were out drinking with your friends? That was the last time you lied.”
It’s also pertinent that the parent would let his or her child feel that it’s his perception of what happened that mist be wrong, again without the parent finger pointing at the child. It’s like saying, “Tommy, I know what you think there is that I have been unfair to you. But what exactly happened is this… When you don’t get what you want, this usually triggers the bad side of Tommy. It’s all about what you think of took place in the incident and there are times when what he think is not really what happened there.”
The most important thing that you need to remember however is to let your child express his own thoughts about the matter. Let your child air out his ideas and opinions on whatever is happening. Although you have to show your child what the bigger picture is, you also have to make your child understand that his perceptions of what is happening could be different from what is actually happening.
The most common reaction of the child in this situation is to start bringing up the emotional side of it. This is when the blaming and the crying would try to make you as a parent start to feel guilty yourself.
Do not give in to your child’s tantrums. No matter how deep the guilt trip your child puts you on, always keep your focus. Help your child handle the situation better, but do not let your child get to you easily.
Wilhite Wilderness Children’s Ministry
Main Office Number (720) 260-9323
To teach fathers how to develop their relationship with their children
by talking with, listening to and communicate with their kids,
not only on these trips but year around through words of affirmation, physical touch,
quality time, gifts, and acts of service for and with their children.